SURPRISE YOU'RE DEAD

[cyan_maid]

Who: Jane Crocker and Max (OC, Airlocked R1)
Where: Deadland
When: TIME IS MEANINGLESS WHEN YOU'RE DEAD
Open/Closed: Closed
Rated: M for being dead and miserable and suicidal
What: Airlocked R1 AU - What if Jane died? TIME TO MEET THE CHAMPION PORTRAIT ARTIST

[...Well. Hell is a boardwalk in Florida. Who knew? Not Jane, at least - and not that she'd ever been to Florida to know that it's usually not as dilapidated. But hey, you don't choose where you go when you die.

At least, if you're lucky, you can choose how you go.

She'd gotten desperate, panicked. Frightened. And if her memories were anything to go by, it didn't really matter if she died, right? She was a walking corpse to begin with. There wasn't any use in sticking around...and, at least, no one would be thrown out of the airlock this week. Everyone would be safe for a little while longer. It was fine. Totally fine. Laying in this gritty, cool sand? Super fine. Hearing the ocean ebb and crash on the beach? Awesomely fine.]

...

[Jane spits a little sand out of her mouth.]

This...is a lot less fine than I thought it would be.

Comments

cw: centipedes???

[theundertaken]

[He flaps a hand in the air.]

Hey, don't worry about it. They won't bother you. Haven't bothered the other ones, anyway.

cw: centipedes indeed

[cyan_maid]

...Why?

[That's. Why have giant monster bugs only targeting one person that's fucking weird.]

[theundertaken]

Because this is my own personal hell, which I've somehow sucked you all into like a horrible black hole of a human being.

[Well, he says it with the utmost confidence.]

[cyan_maid]

[Rolls her eyes.] I doubt you did it on purpose.

[theundertaken]

I wouldn't know how.

But it's kinda shitty that I wanted other people here in the first place. I know what it's like to be here.

[cyan_maid]

...Well. You've...been existing here alone, I presume. Right? Then...maybe it's selfish, but it's understandable. I can't...really fault you for it.

[Selfishness is something she knows oh so well, Max.]

[theundertaken]

...I had Wilson.

[So. Yeah.]

God, though, I kinda miss before you guys started showing up. It's better for me, I guess, but you're all fucked. And...after no one else came, I thought...maybe the rest of them got out. I thought Jay and Bolt went home.

[cyan_maid]

Besides Wilson.

[She's sure he was a Good Dog Companion but like. Bro. Sir. You need human companionship.]

...At least...at least you know for sure they're still surviving, now. And...I'm sure the others won't let them stay on the station forever. We - we've all been talking, Misters Jamie and Bolton and the rest of us. I'd like to think we're not so strange to each other anymore. And...surely, they'll get out of there. I...I think I'm going to believe it.

[I mean what the fuck else are you gonna do sweetie, you're dead]

[theundertaken]

I used to believe that. But I don't anymore. Best they can hope for is probably dying for real, so they never end up here.

[Max sighs.] I mean, being Overseers won't help. Whoever's forcing them to do it is just gonna keep a closer eye on them.

[cyan_maid]

...Then I'll just have to believe it especially hard.

[Yeah no being dead hasn't taken that stubborn streak away in the least]

There must be a way to best them. We're all just...so very limited. Maybe there's something we missed.

[Maybe there's something she could have seen. Ugh, there goes the guilt, right in the heart.]

[theundertaken]

Maybe. Doesn't matter now - we can't do anything from here. Unless you can figure out how to become a ghost.

[cyan_maid]

...[A shrug.] I guess if I find out something, you'll be the first to know. What with being king of Deadland, Florida and all.

[theundertaken]

[He chuckles slightly.]

I prefer King of Hell. I earned it, I beat Satan Mask in armed combat. And I was here first, so really it's mine anyway.

[cyan_maid]

[...Well that answers one question she didn't know she needed to ask.]

Honestly, he has no claim to fight you over it. Finder's keepers, and all that.

[theundertaken]

I don't know if he would. I just bury him when he starts getting annoying.

[He sighs and starts pushing himself upright.] Ffffffuck, I used to know how to be an actual host. You wanna tour or something?

I've been waiting for you to use that icon :B

[cyan_maid]

[Jane lets out a huff of laughter at that. Good plan, don't give the satan mask a single inch. He'll take miles.]

It's not like I expected a host after death. A...tour would be interesting, if you're up to it.

\o/

[theundertaken]

I'm the - [He snorts] - I'm the Ghost Host. Fuck, we should've been stuck at Disney.

[He starts to rise again, brushing the sand off his skin.]

Might as well. It'll eat up maybe an hour of our eternity of suffering. C'mon, Wilson. [He grabs Wilson. Wilson is coming.]

[cyan_maid]

[Wilson is more than welcome, this is his Hell Kingdom as well.]

Ooh, spooky.

[Getting up to follow, this should be hella.]

[theundertaken]

[Wilson is the Prince of Hell.

Max leads the way up the stairs, gesturing to a white crime-scene outline of a body at the top.]

That's where I respawn. Always just like that, doesn't matter what I'm positioned like when I actually die. Uh, and here's the hotel. You can grab a room in there if you want, I did. We don't need to eat or sleep anymore, but sleeping passes the time - I did it a lot at first, but now my dreams are all fucked up.

[cyan_maid]

[She follows, looking at first at the spawn point - yeesh, so weird - and then at the hotel.]

...I didn't think the dead dreamed.

[theundertaken]

Sure. That and eating work pretty much the normal way, if you decide to bother with them.

[He wanders over to the coffee shop - something half-attached to the hotel, which looks like a Starbucks whose branding and logo has been ripped off every possible surface.]

Here's the coffee shop. There's coffee, I guess. [Also all the furniture is smashed and there's a really detailed painting of Jamie and Bolton on the wall.] Jay and B are here. They're good to talk to, if...talking to paintings is something you're gonna do.

[At least he still knows it's weird?]

[cyan_maid]

...I'm good on that front, I think. But perhaps I'll pay them a visit sometime.

[You are more than welcome to keep the talking paintings all to yourself.]

[theundertaken]

Give it time.

[Or not. She actually does have real human people to talk to.]

This is just a bar and grill. I took most of the booze already, but there's probably some stuff left inside? [He opens the door, revealing the restaurant to be full of mannequins with human faces painted onto them, posed like patrons and waitstaff.] At this point I don't think anybody cares if you drink.

[cyan_maid]

[She looks a little blankly at those mannequins.]

I'm actually...really inclined to not drink. I've gone through some bad experiences.

[theundertaken]

More for me.

[Max shrugs, waves goodbye to the hostess mannequin, and turns away again.]

I'll, uh. I'll try and tone it down around you. Didn't mean to be a total alcoholic, it just kinda happened.